It's So Simple

1. Ok...

2. Peanuts=good, grapes=bad therefore
Peanut butter=good, jelly=bad.

3. Peanuts grow from plants. What else grows from plants?

4. That's right, cocoa beans. So therefore since peanuts/peanut butter are good, and are also eatable plants, cocoa beans are also good (meaning chocolate is as well).

5. Now, since jelly mixed with another BAD food item (say... meatloaf) creates an even WORSE food (what one might call jellyloaf), the laws of inverses states that two GOOD items placed together create an even BETTER item (peanut butter + chocolate = Reeses = BETTER).

6. So Reeses, being amazing, are eaten by... yes, humans. Now what other animal is very closely related to the human? Yes, the pig (they can both get sunburn). Therefore, there is a strong relationship between Reeses and pigs (if searching for a shorter connection, see "pigs-eat-plants", leading you to statement 3).

7. Of course, what factor of a pig is most important to humans, therefore most closely related to Reeses? That's right, bacon.

8. Yet a clear relationship to another good food item doesn't immediately mean the initial food item (bacon) is exceptional (if you like bacon, and you are sure, proceed to statement 10).

9. This is proved through Darwin's theory of evolution, survival of the fittest. After a long period of idle use, certain body parts begin to shrink/disappear/fall off. Such appendages of the pig included: tiny third ear, extra long straight tail, dorsal fin and belly foot. All of these supplied the pig with little or no assistance in daily living, ergo their dysfunction. These were of no interest to early humans who saw no point to domesticate and raise such animals, as these parts were not particularly tasty. It wasn't until the discovery of the pig's back that we humans gained interest in the entire animal. It was savory and delicious, thus causing the pig to be chosen for neolithic life and breeding. Such a situation would not have, and still would not exist if the back (bacon part) of the pig was not delightful.

10. Therefore, bacon is GOOD

11. DISCLAIMER: Just because bacon is good, one cannot assume all other parts of the pig are as good or good at all, unless said pork is served "pulled", in which yes, assume that to be amazing.

12. Now, looking back on statement 5 and using simple logic (as I have for all previous statements) one can see that if two GOOD food items mixed together create a greater item, two EXCEPTIONAL items would create a mind blowing, out of this world taste unlike no other. Therefore the obvious solution is:

13. Bacon-wrapped Reeses.